Yesterday was something… let’s say different for me. I spent the day using barely any information tech. By info tech, that means no computer, no television. I only used my Kindle and my iPhone, which I only used for music and for a couple calls that needed to be made. So basically it was me, a book, my music, and the family pets for a full day.
No distractions, no loud noises, no watching TV while bored, and barely any schedule. Because of those facts, I ended up having one of the best days I’ve had in months.
For those that haven’t heard yet, I’ve been unemployed since I graduated from BSU back at the start of May. I’ve been trying to do everything I can since then to get a job, but I really haven’t had any luck. I did have one freelance opportunity that came up about two weeks ago. I’m contacting them tomorrow, but it didn’t seem like they wanted me to work for them once I brought up pricing for the work. Tuesday will be the day that I find out whether that’s true or not. I’m hoping it will turn out more positive than I’m thinking it will. Other than that though, I’ve not really had much luck. A lot of places I think are turning me down because I have a college degree now. I’m hoping that’s not the case, but I’ve heard of that happening before.
With the job situation the way it is, it’s already been stressful. Add in a mother who tells me every day that there’s more that I can do than I’m already doing, or I’m not pricing low enough, or a plethora of other reasons why I’m not in a job yet, and that just sends me over the edge some days. At those points, I lock myself in my room, and don’t come out for hours. The stress just keeps building up, and there really hasn’t been a way to release it.
Sunday did something surprising, and did exactly what I needed to happen. I spent the day making meals for myself, reading, listening to music, and just genuinely slowing down for a bit. This was all by myself. No one was nagging about a job situation that wasn’t improving fast enough. No one complaining about one thing or another. No one asking me for help every 22.375 seconds. Just a soothing day by myself. A chance to gather my thoughts and to finish up something I’ve been meaning to do for quite some time: finish a book.
Thanks to the free day, I read over half of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, finishing it, with plenty of time left to spare. I made a few meals. Nothing too complicated, but some work, and it gave me a chance to calm down a bit more. I felt like I did back when I was living in the North House last summer, before I had to move back to my parents. Things weren’t going on constantly, I was free to use my schedule as I saw fit, and with that, I ended up making myself much more productive than I would have been otherwise. I was honestly happier than I would have been otherwise.
Does this mean I’m only happy when I’m completely alone? Possibly, depending on how you look at it. I think that the main reason that made me happier than anything else was that I felt I had just that smidgeon of control back in my life that I haven’t had in quite some time. I love hanging out with people. I loved just tossing in a movie and enjoying it with other people. I love going to midnight showings of new films and feeling the energy. I think I just hate this feeling that I have here that I really don’t have control over my own life, schedule, etc., etc. Sunday gave me a glimpse of that again, and it really made me realize what’s been missing this whole time.