Completely Lo-fi

Yesterday was something… let’s say different for me.  I spent the day using barely any information tech.  By info tech, that means no computer, no television.  I only used my Kindle and my iPhone, which I only used for music and for a couple calls that needed to be made.  So basically it was me, a book, my music, and the family pets for a full day.

No distractions, no loud noises, no watching TV while bored, and barely any schedule.  Because of those facts, I ended up having one of the best days I’ve had in months.

For those that haven’t heard yet, I’ve been unemployed since I graduated from BSU back at the start of May.  I’ve been trying to do everything I can since then to get a job, but I really haven’t had any luck.  I did have one freelance opportunity that came up about two weeks ago.  I’m contacting them tomorrow, but it didn’t seem like they wanted me to work for them once I brought up pricing for the work.  Tuesday will be the day that I find out whether that’s true or not.  I’m hoping it will turn out more positive than I’m thinking it will.  Other than that though, I’ve not really had much luck.  A lot of places I think are turning me down because I have a college degree now.  I’m hoping that’s not the case, but I’ve heard of that happening before.

With the job situation the way it is, it’s already been stressful.  Add in a mother who tells me every day that there’s more that I can do than I’m already doing, or I’m not pricing low enough, or a plethora of other reasons why I’m not in a job yet, and that just sends me over the edge some days.  At those points, I lock myself in my room, and don’t come out for hours.  The stress just keeps building up, and there really hasn’t been a way to release it.

Sunday did something surprising, and did exactly what I needed to happen.  I spent the day making meals for myself, reading, listening to music, and just genuinely slowing down for a bit.  This was all by myself.  No one was nagging about a job situation that wasn’t improving fast enough.  No one complaining about one thing or another.  No one asking me for help every 22.375 seconds.  Just a soothing day by myself.  A chance to gather my thoughts and to finish up something I’ve been meaning to do for quite some time: finish a book.

Thanks to the free day, I read over half of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, finishing it, with plenty of time left to spare.  I made a few meals.  Nothing too complicated, but some work, and it gave me a chance to calm down a bit more.  I felt like I did back when I was living in the North House last summer, before I had to move back to my parents.  Things weren’t going on constantly, I was free to use my schedule as I saw fit, and with that, I ended up making myself much more productive than I would have been otherwise.  I was honestly happier than I would have been otherwise.

Does this mean I’m only happy when I’m completely alone?  Possibly, depending on how you look at it.  I think that the main reason that made me happier than anything else was that I felt I had just that smidgeon of control back in my life that I haven’t had in quite some time.  I love hanging out with people.  I loved just tossing in a movie and enjoying it with other people.  I love going to midnight showings of new films and feeling the energy.  I think I just hate this feeling that I have here that I really don’t have control over my own life, schedule, etc., etc.  Sunday gave me a glimpse of that again, and it really made me realize what’s been missing this whole time.


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